１人で出来る英語ライティング対策！(IELTS編)

IELTSのライティング対策、特にタスク２の対策方法を紹介します。
参考書等では、エッセイの書き方を紹介しているものが多いですが、
いざ、自分が実際に書いたとしても、直してくれる人がいないと、
学習としては、効果が薄いですし、
適切なフィードバックが無ければ、
正しい言葉遣いも身につきません。

今回は、特に、IELTSのライティング対策をしたい方に向けて、
最新の技術を活用した、１人で、かつ、無料で出来る勉強方法の
紹介をしたいと思います。

① IELTS Writing Task 2 の採点基準に従って、採点して下さい。

The writing addresses the topic of the rising trend of obesity in developed countries and the role of capitalism and technology in addressing this issue. The writer presents a clear position on the topic, suggesting that shortening working hours and technological development can help to decrease the rate of obesity.

Score: Band 6-7

② 文法や表現の間違いを直して下さい。

One reason for the increasing trend of obesity in developed countries is, in my opinion, the negative impact of capitalism. Due to capitalism, people are required to work longer hours, leading to less time for engaging in physical activity and recreation. As a result, the rate of obesity rises. To address this problem, I believe that reducing working hours would be the most effective solution.

Of course, solving this issue is challenging, but I believe that technological advancements can play a part in reducing obesity. For example, if technology can effectively automate tasks and reduce the time required to complete them, people would have more time for physical activities such as exercise. This approach would be more effective in reducing the rate of obesity compared to mandates or rules, as simply ordering people to exercise may not be effective. Spending time in natural environments can also be helpful in addressing obesity.

I can definitely help with that!

First, here’s a corrected version of your writing:

One reason for the increasing trend of obesity in developed countries is the negative impact of capitalism. Due to capitalism, people have to work longer hours, leaving less time to engage in physical activities that could help prevent obesity. Thus, reducing working hours could be an effective solution to this problem.

While addressing this problem is challenging, I believe that technological advancements can help to some extent. If technology can accomplish tasks more efficiently and in less time, people may have more free time to engage in activities they enjoy, such as exercise. This can lead to a decrease in the obesity rate.

Encouraging people to exercise through rules or regulations may not be effective. Instead, allowing individuals to have more free time and opportunities to engage in activities they enjoy, particularly in natural environments, can be more beneficial.

And here’s a breakdown of your writing:

Grammatical accuracy: Good Vocabulary: Adequate, but some words could be more precise (e.g. “bad effect” could be “negative impact”) Task response: Good, as the prompt is answered and the position is clear Coherence and cohesion: Good Word count: 127 words (which is slightly below the recommended word count of 250 words)

Overall, your writing is well-organized and easy to follow. However, to improve your score, try to aim for a higher word count and use more precise and varied vocabulary. Also, make sure to use transitions to link your ideas more effectively. Good luck with your IELTS preparation!